I have been away. Except I haven’t left my desk or Senate House library in about a month now, so I didn’t really go AWAY away.
Two days ago I turned in my completed thesis for my MSc Astrophysics. It was 45 pages dense with equations and cosmology and reasoning, heavy reasoning.
I have been building an empire of the mind, and it has been hard going, but I think I got there in the end. I just have to defend it on the 10th. “Just.” A bit like facing questioning from a Senate Committee but “just”.
It is hard coming down after herculean efforts like this. I am quite literally closing this chapter of my life. And I don’t know what the plot is after this. But I’ve always wanted a postgraduate degree and hopefully very soon that will finally be realised.
My friends have asked me how I am doing. The truth is I don’t know yet. I’ve been worn so thin. I’ll tell you one thing I feel that I have felt before. After the completion of a physics degree I note that a woman will get plaudits and be fawned over infinitely for doing something as (usually) easy or accidental as being pretty or getting pregnant and having a baby. Yet I feel like I’ve been in labour for years to a mostly deafening silence. Yeah. Well done. Way to go for the path less taken. I’m sure all those sleepless nights will have been worth it. On the one hand, the world wants us to dare greatly. On the other, it rewards mediocrity. It’s a good thing I always did this for myself.
99% of the world has babies. 1% of the world have empires of the mind.
So that’s how I am. Bittersweet.